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Spend less time

upsetting each other...

You Ready To...

couple mix_InPixio.png

Spend more time enjoying each other... 

I came to Paul as a last-ditch effort to save my relationship.  

I had tried everything I could think of to get my relationship "unstuck" over many years and nothing worked.  With 20-years of marriage, my wife and I had advanced skills in making the other feel like the source of the problems and had acquired advanced attack/defense routines that would play-out over-and-over without resolution. 


Paul did a great job listening - really listening - and hearing me and my wife.  He helped us both to identify how we could set each other up to win (and not to lose, as we had been doing).  He elegantly and gently pointed our where our communication was breaking down and how that was leading to the perpetual loops we would find ourselves in.  

facilitating open, safe and flowing communication, he took on the role of teacher and showed us exactly how (through role-play and exercises) we could avoid making one another feel ignored and rejected.  My wife and I saw immediate, impactful results after just a few sessions with Paul.


I truly appreciate Paul's ability to get right to the heart of the issues that my wife and I had been experiencing for many years.  Having tried marriage counseling (unsuccessfully) earlier in our relationship, we were both a bit skeptical about trying a coach.  


We figured if a psychologist couldn't help, then how could a relationship coach be of benefit.  All I can say is, that I'm glad we took the chance with Paul - it's making a huge difference for us.  As a couple, we interact differently and have largely ridded ourselves of the detrimental communication patterns we had fallen into and couldn't get out of by ourselves.  We are happier and more open with one another now and enjoy the new space that has opened up for us.


Our thanks go to Paul as well as our recommendation.  He's exceptionally good at what he does."


 - M.L. San Diego, CA

  • "If you're tired of the conflicts, misunderstandings, and upsets in your relationship


  • If You desire more love, trust and intimacy, in your relationship...


  • If you crave open, honest and compassionate communication where both of you feel heard, understood and valued - even if you totally disagree...

  • If you to get rid of boredom in the bedroom and bring back the connection, pleasure and passion...


  • If you confused, frustrated and maybe even heartbroken about not getting your met in - or even having your needs seem to matter anymore... well you get the idea


You are not alone - ...and you may be ready for a breakthrough.

hat is why I created the Courageous Love Breakthrough Process...

Meet Paul Sterling, Relationship & Intimacy Coach

Some of the issues people want to work through:

* Jealousy

* Communication breakdowns

* Not feeling heard, understood or valued

* Persistent Painful Conflicts

* Clearing up Painful Misunderstandings

* The Past Upsets, Issues Keep Coming Up

* Dealing with Decisions, Difficulties & Differences

* Can I really be me and still be in a relationship w/you

* The Intimacy is going or gone & They Want it Back

* They both get Triggered when talking about important issues

* Needs don't seem to Matter and Aren't Getting Met


* Broken Agreements - Betrayals -  Lost Trust

Most likely, you are here because you want more from your relationship. More love, more trust, more open and honest communication and more intimacy.


But you may not know how to make that happen or where to start. Don't worry, you're in the right place.


That is why I created the Courageous Love Breakthrough Process.

During this process which includes a survey and deep dive 90-minute conversation you will:

 1) DECIDE where you would like your relationship to be 90 days from now. What about a year from now? What RESULTS do you REALLY want? Your dreams and desires.

2) UNCOVER where you are now, your current REALITY. And... discover which of the 7 persistent patterns that are causing most of your relationship ISSUES. Your frustrations and fears.






3) DISCOVER the relationship roadblocks that are keeping you stuck in a relationship rut. You will explore the impact of each of your 5 possible OPTIONS.

4) CHOOSE the best plan of action that will help you overcome your fears and frustrations and move you closer to your dreams and desires.

5) COMMIT to yourself and to your partner and then take the first step today.

By the end of our candid conversation, you can choose which plan of ACTION you are going to take. Walk away with clarity, courage and a commitment to your plan.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step…


  • You are talking again, openly, honestly and vulnerably, and feeling safe doing it. You both will feel heard, understood and valued.


  • Your NEEDS MATTER - Explore your 7 precious, necessary needs, learn how to identify them, talk about them, have them matter and get them met.


  • Get back that Loving Feeling. Intimacy is fun and exciting again and you go from "No Thanks, not tonight" to "OMG  let's do that again"


If you want all this and more... you are in the right place.


 But know this is not some quick fix short term band-aid or new fad to manipulate your partner.

Yes, it is work... and yes, it takes some work...


Here are some important QUESTIONS worth asking:

  1. Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?

  2. Is Your Relationship Saveable?

  3. Are You Willing to Do What It Takes?

Want to know more?

Keep reading.

I hope this short story will help you understand what is possible for your relationship.


You will see a couple go from stuck and resistant to transforming their relationship.

This couple from Vermont, came to one of my 3-hour introductory workshops, then went through a
relationship breakthrough session.


The women was 42 and she wanted to move ahead right away. And at first, her boyfriend, a 40-year carpenter, was all in too, then he got cold feet, then let's do this, then he got shy again. It took almost 3 months for him to overcome his fears and apprehension.


When he finally did commit, he dove in headfirst and really took it on. Both of them making a commitment to creating a breakthrough in their relationship.  

You about to hear what came from their courage, commitment and willingness to do the work. 


Below are the changes that each of them told in a phone interview at the end of the working together over 6 months. If you are courois what's possible for your relationship. This is worth reading.


Here’s a partial list of the things they told they received from the relationship coaching.  This is in no particular order of priority…


What He Told Me:

  • They are not taking themselves so seriously and having much more fun

  • He got to understand the difference between men and women in a way that was empowering for both

  • He saw sex as a great indicator of how connected they are.  Sort of a canary in the coal mine way of telling whether the relationship was in good shape or not

  • He loved that he was able to really enter her world so that she felt heard, understood and valued – and he felt like her hero

    • He stopped worrying about what he said and became very interested in what she heard – this was a huge breakthrough

  • He loved that they both became aware of the impact of using any language that implies BSW (Bad, stupid, wrong)

  • He discovered the power of speaking in Chunks and not overwhelming his partner. Chunking Down information so it was more absorbable

    • He also got to understand the difference between chunking for the masculine and chunking for the feminine.

    • It also helped him stop taking it personally when his beloved asked him to slow down a use smaller chunks

  • He stopped playing to lose and started playing to win

  • He became a lot more patient and supportive of her


What She Told Me:

  • She got back her feminine power – and went from feeling like he had all the power and the final say…   to understanding that he wants to be her hero and to make her happy

  • That she could use the “Can You Hear Me Now – Communication Process” to enter his world and really hear, understand and value him.

    • That gave her more patience, confidence, compassion in connection with her lover

    • It also gave her the chance to go much deeper into his world

  • She was also able to discover which of her seven core needs was beneath almost all of her upsets

  • She was able to identify limiting beliefs and like go of them

  • She stopped taking his masculinity personally and started to understand and appreciating the differences between the sexes

    • She also understood when he was "single focused" – in his hunter mode and not to try to get his attention when it wasn’t available

  • She got clear on the power of her words

    • She also stopped saying what you didn’t want and let him know what she did want...

“After many attempts at couples work with other individuals, working with Paul has finally helped my partner and I breakthrough to a new place of understanding and appreciation for one another."

Jessie, Essex Junction VT

Every journey starts with a single step...
the first step here is set up your
Relationship Breakthrough Session...


The Cost - less than one car
payment - about the same price
as my last evening out, with a
hotel in San Francisco...  $397.00


The Value - Priceless, many clients
have said that got more from that one
deep dive, intense session that from years
of working with other professionals...


STEP #1 Find a Date and Time on the calendar below then secure your appointment with a credit card payment


STEP #2 Help Me, Help You, Answer the Questions on The Relationship Assessment


STEP #3 Grab some popcorn and watch this 15-minute video together

STEP #4 Meet me on ZOOM for our Courageous Love Breakthrough Session


Romantic Sunset

“After just the initial two-hour session my husband and I were able to use those tools on our own upsets … 

We were an hour and a half into our drive home when I realized we were talking about our toughest issues with calm compassion and understanding instead of upset and hurt. Thank you so much for such an amazing gift.”


S.J. - Estes Park, Colorado

Step #1

Pick a Day & Time

Make improving your relationship a priority and pick
a day and time to meet that works for both of you and
secure that time with your credit card.


(Meeting options - video chat over ZOOM,
or phone, 
or meet in person.)

“We attended one of Paul's communication workshops, then had a 45-minute private session with him. Working with Paul was wonderful. We were a bit nervous talking to someone about our personal life. 

Paul put us at ease very quickly. His technique is relaxing and feels safe. We liked the session so much we decided to continue working with Paul. We would recommend Paul to anyone.”


D & M - Kauai

Step #2

Now, Please Help Me, Help You

Take about 10-15 minutes to help me understand what's going on. Answer the relationship assessment questions so that I can prepare for our time together.

Make sure both you and your partner 

answer these questions before our session together.

Dancing Couple

"We had amazing breakthroughs about empathy and being able meet each other's needs. I couldn't believe that he was able to help us through our most intense moments, and I have never had such an effective therapy. 

K.S. Santa Cruz, Ca.

Step #3

Movie Time: Watch This 15 Minute Video

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Now pop some popcorn and snuggle up together on your favorite couch

And then watch this 15-minute video to prepare yourself for our: 

Relationship Breakthrough Session.

Step #4

Your Courageous Love Breakthrough Session

Attend Your Relationship Breakthrough Session.

See you soon and we will cover...


* Your desired results.


* Your current reality


* Your biggest roadblocks

and... create your plan

Laptop and Diary Topview
  • What is a 'Courageous Love Breakthrough Session'?
    It is a chance to take an in depth, deep dive look at your relationship in 3 key areas. 1) Where do you want it to be? Results you want, your dreams and desires... 2) Where is it now? Reality now, your issues, frustrations and fears... 3) What is getting in the way? Relationship roadblocks...
  • Who should be on the call?
    It is important that both of you are on the call, because if you don't agree on the problem, you won't agree on the solution.
  • Why does relationship coaching fail?
    When relationship coaching fails, there are 3 main reasons 1) If the couple doesn't agree on the problem, they won't agree on the soltuion. 2) WIIFM - WEIT. (What's In It For Me) - (What Ever It Takes) If both parites aren't clear what's it for them, they won't do what ever it takes. 3) Commitment and accountiblity. Change is often hard, it takes making a strong commitment and having someone hold you accountable to that commitment.
  • What should I do to get ready?
    1) Schedule your time - 2) Take the Survey - 3) Grab some popcorn and your partner and watch this 15 minute video
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