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  • Writer's picturePaul Sterling

Which of These 7 Relationship Issues Are Causing You Problems...

Updated: Aug 24, 2019

This feels a bit like David Lettermen's top 10 - except that there are only 7 causing most of the problems...

Looking for your top 3 could be fun, well at least educational.

Paul doing a radio interview about his best selling book 'Argue Less, Love More' while in Kauai, Hawaii

Here's the bad news: Relationships are more complex than we want them to be. No doubt about it.

Now for the good news: Relationships are far less complex than most of us think they are.

After diving deep into the subject for over twenty-five years... I've noticed some patterns.

Most relationship upsets, conflicts, issues, problems...Come from just 7 specific causes.

DAMN, I wish I known that earlier in life before the divorce and broken engagements.

And there are only 5 real options when it comes to dealing with those issues. I will cover these options in my next blog post.

Are you ready to dive in and find out what they are?

Just because there's only seven, doesn't mean that I'm implying that dealing with them is simple or easy.

Here you go:

  1. Communication issues - One of my mentors, the late Marshall Rosenberg, once said that "The normal outcome of most communication... is misunderstanding." I wrote a whole Amazon Bestseller on this topic alone called Argue Less, Love More.

  2. Needs not met - When your needs to stop getting met in a relationship, the relationship starts to erode from the inside out. If you stop feeling like your needs are precious, you'll stop feeling like you are precious.

  3. Conflicts and Misunderstandings - If you don't have the right communication tools, your conflicts don't get resolved they just get recycled... And misunderstandings start to wear away the foundation of your relationship.

  4. Wounds and triggers - In life and relationships we all get wounded, the question that Caroline Myss asked was - "Do you get bitter, or do you get better?" Does the pain of your unhealed past run and wreck your present relationship?

  5. Broken Trust - A foundation of trust is critical to a Remarkable Relationship. When the trust is gone, almost everything else goes with it. This destroys any intimacy and vulnerability... the core to a great relationship. There're two areas of trust... Do I trust you with my feelings, needs and boundaries... And the one most people don't talk about or even think about, which is super important. Do I trust myself to speak my truth, the take care of myself and my needs when I'm around you?

  6. Intimacy is Gone - Has that lovin feeling been lost? Intimacy doesn't start in the bedroom. When there are other issues in the relationship, intimacy is one of the first things to go. No one wants to be that vulnerable when they don't feel valued by their partner. To make things even a little bit more complex, there are actually three levels of intimacy. Not Just One... * The first level is emotional intimacy. Are you able to talk about your feelings and needs? ** The second level is physical intimacy. Touches, Cuddles, Holding hands. All the different ways we connect physically *** The third level is sexual intimacy. My youtube video on this topic must have struck a chord with people because over 5 million people from all around the world have watched it so far.

  7. Differences - How you deal with your differences in the relationship, will set the tone for how loved and understood and valued your partner feels.

WOW... We covered a lot of here.

It wasn't a deep dive and I wasn't offering solutions - It was just an overview to give you an idea of what's causing most of the relationship problems and challenges.

For me, it was a relief to be able to see them laid out on paper.

Okay - this is getting long... so I will write another post that will cover the 5 options each of us has when faced with these issues.

With Purpose, Passion, and Possibility,

Paul Sterling

Your 'Love By Design Coach'

PS. Keep your eyes open for an upcoming webinar called:

'Love By Design' Making Your Relationship Remarkable...

Sept. 8th, 6:00Pm West Coast Time For more info... or to save yourself a seat:

Click here to read part #2 What are you going to do about it...?

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